HOW TO RECHARGE YOUR OWN BATTERIES AND PREPARE FOR A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION WHILE RESOLVING A CONFLICT AT WORK?

Resolving conflicts in the team often means stress, emotions, tensions, and doubts for managers – both before approaching the conversation and after it ends. Difficult conversations in situations where each party feels uncomfortable are a source of stress at work and are a challenge in the emotional sphere (i.e., what to do to ensure the discussion does not end in a disaster for our relationship?) and the business sphere (what to do to avoid demotivating the employee in such a situation?)

When such important issues are at stake in our conversation, it is worth approaching each other kindly and being well-prepared – especially in the context of our own emotions. Each of us has a certain sequence of actions that appear under stress. What allows us to avoid entering stress sequences is having fully charged energy reserves. From your own experience, you know that many of your reactions in such situations depend on the mood you start the conversation with. When our batteries are charged (neutral or positive state), even when we find ourselves in a difficult situation, we can handle it better in terms of both our own emotions and specific outcomes (we propose more accurate solutions).

IMPORTANT: recharging batteries is building resilience to stress, which allows us to better cope with emotions. Resolving conflicts at work or having a difficult conversation, we will experience emotions – this is inevitable. The essence of recharging batteries is to build a buffer, a reserve of internal energy, which will allow us to maintain decent comfort during such a conversation. 

If we catch signs of stress, we can identify what we should focus on in search of ideas for quickly recharging our batteries a day or two before a difficult conversation or meeting. Below you will find some ideas on how to feel more comfortable and have greater reflection and decision-making during such a conversation with an employee/team.

Analyst type – how to observe your stress?

When the dominant personality type for me is the analyst type, I can recognize my stress by the following behaviors:

• I explain tasks or problems to employees using complex sentences. I refer to many different arguments and provide very precise data – I strive to be without a shadow of a doubt.
• In discussions, I start to get frustrated when others don’t think logically or when their statements are incoherent, nonsensical, and don’t refer to what I said earlier.
• At the end of this road, I start to get angry at others – I think to myself ‘they can’t even think…’. I feel anger towards others.

What can you do to quickly recharge your batteries?

• Summarize the tasks you have successfully completed in recent days. See how much you have done over the past week. Summarize what you did well during this time.
• Make an action plan for the coming days – both in the context of private and professional life. Such a plan will give you the feeling that nothing should surprise you anymore and you have other topics happening around you under control.
• Review your notes and messages related to the difficult conversation you plan to have. Make sure you have data, arguments, or conversation content related to the subject of the planned discussion at hand.
• Finally, also plan an appropriate amount of time for such a conversation – so you don’t have to end it quickly. Give yourself a time buffer for such a conversation – if you plan for it to take 60 minutes, block at least 90 minutes in your calendar. This will give you a sense of comfort even during the meeting itself.

The unyielding type – how to observe your stress?

When the dominant personality type for me is the unyielding type, I can recognize my stress by the following behaviors:

• I mainly focus my attention on what is not working in a given situation. I mainly (or only) discuss what is not working, what should be improved, etc.
• I ask confrontational questions about views, beliefs, and sometimes values regarding the situation.
• I am stubborn and suspicious – I catch myself thinking that people just won’t convince me, period.
• I leave the situation or discussion convinced that people simply cannot engage, that’s just how they are. I feel a sense of hopelessness.

What can you do to quickly recharge your batteries?

• Plan 2-3 days before the conversation so that you can dedicate time primarily to what is important to you. Important projects, topics, issues. More time for what matters to you, rather than what may come to you as urgent. What you consider less important (e.g., under the heading: ‘I have to do this…’) try to postpone by a few days to make time for important things.
• You can also use this ‘preparatory’ period to plan a clear communication of your position (on an issue important to you), not necessarily related to a difficult conversation. Make sure to create space for yourself to freely express your thoughts on at least one important issue. This could be a conversation with a colleague at work, or with someone from your family, like a child. Share your perspective, values, or beliefs with someone.
• Review notes and messages related to the topic of conversation and consider how this information aligns with your values. Identify what resonates with you (shared values) and what you cannot accept (opposing values).
• Summarize your thoughts and consider which beliefs and values you want to share with your conversation partner. What arguments do you want to use to support your values.
• During the conversation itself, ask about what stands behind the arguments your interlocutor uses. You will conduct such a conversation more easily when you understand what they care about or why they insist on a particular solution (what values stand behind it).

Empath type – how to observe your stress?

When the dominant personality type for me is the empath type, I can recognize my stress by the following behaviors:

• I excessively adapt so that others have a better opinion of me or are less upset in this situation.
• I start to doubt myself and my competencies. I start talking about what didn’t go well, what I didn’t do, or why my perspective might be wrong
• When the conversation escalates, I feel like crying
• I leave the conversation feeling that these people don’t like me, don’t want to be around me, work with me, or spend time with me

What can you do to quickly recharge your batteries?

• Before a difficult conversation (or meeting), make sure to connect with friends and family. Ensure warm meetings with loved ones so you can spend quality time together.
• It’s also worth taking care of your senses – introduce pleasant scents and nice colors in your office or home environment.
• Plan yourself a good dinner that nourishes the senses. Your favorite dish or something that piques your interest from a chosen type of cuisine.
• Make sure to have space for your loved ones, contact with them, and being in a relationship with others. Recharging is best done with friends or family.
• Come to the meeting in comfortable clothing that feels pleasant to the touch. Bring an essential oil with you whose scent you love. Take a whiff of it before the meeting starts and feel its soothing power 🙂

Dreamer type – how to observe your stress?

When the dominant personality type for me is the dreamer type, I can recognize my stress by the following behaviors:

• I expect myself to handle the situation on my own and independently perform all tasks to solve the problem (or with minimal involvement of others)
• I start waiting for the situation to develop, I procrastinate on various things, I may fall into passivity with the feeling ‘maybe it will somehow resolve itself?’
• I have a few ideas on what can be done in this situation, but I don’t get around to checking, planning, or implementing even one of them
• I distance myself from others, I don’t feel like meeting or talking to people
• I end the conversation with the conviction that I did not receive enough guidelines or information to handle this situation. They left me alone with this

What can you do to quickly recharge your batteries?

• Ensure constructive solitude and a moment for yourself. For 2-3 days before the conversation, go for a solitary walk to have a moment for yourself to think about the topic. Maybe you have a favorite game that you like to play alone – make sure that during this time no one disturbs or bothers you.
• Reduce the intensity of meetings – both social and professional. Plan more time for conceptual work, for brainstorming, rather than interaction and meetings with others.
• Make sure to have at least an hour or two just for yourself every day. Whether in the context of work or personal life. In fact, write it down in your calendar.
• Share your ideas on how to deal with a difficult situation with someone close to you. Ask what he/she would do in such a situation: which idea is the best?
• If the situation is particularly difficult, postpone the topic for later (in 3-5 days?). In the meantime, focus your attention on another task or project.

Rebel Type – How to Observe Your Stress?

When the dominant personality type for me is the rebel type, I can recognize my stress by the following behaviors:

• I’m trying to understand, but I don’t get it. I feel like I’m missing something here.
• I get bored quickly during conversations.
• I feel like it’s the other person’s problem that I get bored quickly. They can’t present it well, they can’t interest me in the topic, they can’t explain it to me properly.
• I think to myself that if it weren’t for this person, we could do so many good/cool things… so many possibilities…
• I leave the conversation upset, thinking that I’ll show them…

What can you do to quickly recharge your batteries?

• Positive contact with people is the most important – go out to a party, plan conversations with energetic people with whom you can joke and spend some time.
• Cinema, theater, dinner with friends? Of course, it’s a good idea for a day or two before a difficult conversation.
• Physical activity is something that will definitely recharge your energy – a bit of movement, lively action is your charger.
• Focus your attention on a project or task that you enjoy, that gives you energy. A day or two before a difficult meeting, summarize what nice things you have managed to do recently

Type of activist – how to observe your stress?

When the dominant personality type for me is the doer type, I can recognize my stress by the following behaviors:

• I expect others to be strong and handle difficult situations or problems. I also clearly express such expectations.
• I ask confrontational questions or make statements – e.g., ‘So, I understand that you were not prepared for this presentation?’
• I ignore, bypass, or ‘suspend’ rules or agreements to show others that I am right and that we should act in the way I have chosen (e.g., the team rules we agreed upon).
• I catch myself wanting to show others how wrong they are in a given situation (focusing on showing a lack of knowledge, competence, experience).
• I leave the meeting/conversation feeling down: ‘You can’t handle it, can you?’

What can you do to quickly recharge your batteries?

• While preparing for the conversation, think about how you can make the most out of it. How can you maximize the benefits from this? What effect do you want to achieve?
• Consider the benefits both in a professional context (goals, results) and a personal context (what can I learn, what can I take away for myself personally – can I develop my competencies?)
• Think about how you can expand your knowledge and ability to work even better with people in this situation.
• Think about how you can add some excitement to this situation? Maybe you can bet (with yourself or someone else) that you will be able to steer the conversation towards a constructive solution?
• Think about how you can excite yourself before the conversation? What gives you a sense of being alive? An adrenaline-filled adventure? Sports?

It often happens that each of us presents a mix of two types out of the six mentioned in this article. Consider which two are closest to you and use the mix of ideas for recharging your batteries from both types.

If you want to learn ways to resolve conflicts read this article