HOW TO ENSURE EMOTIONAL COMFORT IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION? PART TWO

In the first part of the article (you can find it HERE), you learned quick, practical ways to solve key problems of the initial shock: what to do at the beginning of a difficult situation to ensure emotional comfort? How to best communicate in a difficult situation? How to conduct a conversation while ensuring emotional comfort?

The following content is written as a continuation, allowing you to delve deeper into the topic and understand the mechanisms behind emotions in a broader context. We created it based on the assumption that the better we know our body and the processes occurring within it, the more gently we perceive reality. Knowledge of the methods and tools presented here:

• Will help you plan actions in the medium and long term horizon
• Will suggest how to cope when quick methods do not achieve the expected results (because the matter is more serious)

Let’s start with the basics of psychology so that we begin from a specific level of knowledge. We distinguish 3 categories of emotional states:

1. Negative e.g. anger, fear, discomfort, panic, terror
2. Neutral e.g. calm, surprise, relaxation
3. Positive e.g. joy, hope, amusement, happiness

Does this mean that if I am to ensure comfort, I should do everything to provide conditions that guarantee comfort or peace as a boss or employee?

How can we do this when we currently receive a plethora of information from all sides that practically disrupts peace?

Before I suggest how each of us can take care of our emotional comfort, I will present the ABCD model described in the book ‘ABC of Your Emotions’.

Let’s imagine an employee of a large international company who used to work on-site every day. Let’s assume her name is Paulina. Paulina receives information that due to the spreading virus, she will have to work remotely from home starting tomorrow. The ABCD model assumes that each letter symbolizes a factor that influences the entire process of reacting to a situation.

A — is the event that took place, the fact: what I see, hear, feel, what happened?

B — these are my thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about event A

C — these are my emotional feelings experienced through thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes B

D — this is what I did in response to event A

Let’s return to Paulina.

A — what happened? -> Paulina receives information that she has to work remotely from home.

B — what are Paulina’s thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about working remotely from home? Here, depending on individual factors, we can already have several reactions:

B1 – “This type of work is inefficient, I will have trouble focusing on work. How can I coordinate with everyone when I already have trouble doing so even when they are in the office. I don’t want to work this way.

B2 – “Oh, it’s great that my company has enabled this form of work. I’ll try something different. It’s good to learn how to work remotely. It will be useful in the future.

B3 – “What great news. I won’t have to sit in traffic jams while driving to the office in the morning. If I complete my tasks faster, I’ll be able to spend more time with my children.

C — what emotions does Paulina feel in relation to her thought, belief, attitude?

C1 – fear, frustration

C2 – surprise

C3 – joy, excitement.

D — what did Paulina ultimately do?

D1 – Paulina went on sick leave.

D2 – Paulina started a new form of work with curiosity.

D3 – Paulina started remote work with great enthusiasm.

The above descriptions show that it was based on thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes that Paulina generated emotional feelings, which led to specific actions.

Emotions provided the direction that specific actions followed.

I would like to emphasize that for proper functioning (and maintaining good well-being), we need to experience all emotions in the context of different situations. It is therefore standard to experience both negative emotions (fear, worries, anxiety) and flashes of positive emotions (hope, joy) throughout the day.

In the difficult situation we find ourselves in today, many people primarily experience negative emotions, which stem from thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes, ultimately lowering our mood and emotional comfort.

Answering the question: what can be done to take care of emotional comfort? It is enough to ensure that our thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes evoke positive or neutral emotional feelings.

How to do it for yourself? 

The authors of the book ‘ABC of Your Emotions’ propose filtering thoughts through 5 principles of healthy thinking, known as 5ZZM.

What I propose is: write down the thought and check how many of the following questions you can answer yes to.

• Is this thought based on fact: on how things really are?
• Does this thought help you protect your health and life?
• Does this thought help you achieve your goals (both short-term and long-term)?
• Does this thought help you: avoid unwanted interpersonal conflicts or effectively deal with interpersonal conflicts?
• Does this thought help you feel the way you want to feel?

If you answer yes to at least 3 questions, it means that the thought is healthy. If you have at least 3 no answers for a given thought, it means that the thought is not healthy.

For example:

“I don’t want to work this way.”

• No
• No
• No/Yes
• No
• No

Then it’s worth transforming the thought into one that meets the principles of healthy thinking, such as: “This is my first time experiencing remote work. This is new to me. I will work this way for at least a month and only then will I evaluate how I feel working in this form.”

How can you, as a manager, influence positive thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes?

Everyone has the right to their own thoughts and beliefs. As a manager, you can provide your team with information that may influence the creation of positive thoughts and beliefs on a given topic.

IMPORTANT: this approach does not mean manipulation. If you provide employees with information (e.g., the possibility of looking from a different perspective), you do not influence how they make decisions. Each of us ultimately makes our own decisions about which information we consider key.

Therefore, it is worth showing your openness to communication with the team and jointly solving problems. Sharing thoughts and different points of view. Talk to each individual to understand the thoughts and beliefs of the employees. Often, you will receive numerous arguments from the employees themselves, based on which you can help a person with negative thoughts and beliefs.

What exactly you can do:

• Honestly present your position on the matter and the arguments that support it.
• Show the pros and cons.
• Use the information you received from the team that positively influences the perception of the situation.
• Present the change as an opportunity for new solutions that benefit the team (e.g., the introduction of tools that you have long needed).
• Ask what the team needs from you? How do they envision functioning in a given difficult situation?
• Look for examples of other teams that have faced a similar difficult situation. Describe it, show how the team handled it (e.g., the last economic crisis)

What else can you do: create your action plan and write down the positive aspects you see in the situation and post it in a visible place. Emotions come and go, they interchange, and rarely dominate for a longer period. However, if something does dominate daily life, it is worth placing content in the environment that supports natural mechanisms (emotion exchange) and provides us with more positive experiences.

See now: Part 3: how to ensure effective task execution? #

Source: “ABC of Your Emotions” Maxie C. Maultsby Jr., Mariusz Wirga, Michael DeBernardi.